Professor DanceFan is In

I received an email from a delightful new reader, a College Girl, who stumbled on this blog while searching the internet for tips on how to give her boyfriend a lapdance. She had sent him to a strip club in Vegas, and he told her he felt that he would enjoy one better from her. She wrote a great letter asking for my advice, especially on how to create the "headspace" that I've talked about here.

Glad to help if I can with my take on a great starter lapdance - from the guy's Point of View. There were two givens in my mind when I wrote back:

1. This is not a professional situation and the rules of contact are up to them
2. There's no time limit

Here's what I wrote to the intriguing College Girl. Hope it helped:

The best dances are about attitude, not technique. And you have a great attitude to start with. Great attitude means two things: first, of course, that you want to please your partner. Second, and most important, that you are going to enjoy the dance yourself! If the dance is a chore for you it's not going to be very good. If you visibly enjoy doing the dance it will come across to your partner.

Be confident even if you're inexperienced. You sound like a very attractive (dare I say Hot?) girl. Be confident. Feel sexy and you'll come across sexy. (Thanks for the description of you by the way. Consider my imagination sparked!)

Men are visual, so dress sexy. Whatever that means for you. My dancer tonight was a lovely tall blonde girl. She had knee-hi white stockings, a thin stripe of a plaid miniskirt that defied gravity to stay on, and a halter top, and a thong. Very nice. Long clingy dresses that are easy to get out of work great too.

Music is a personal taste. I'd say good music for a lapdance is different than good music for the stage. Driving rock anthems are good on stage. Softer music in the lapdance. Sade is probably on track. Or Nora Jones. Maybe Chingy or R. Kelly. Anything that you would sway to and is not jarring. Strange as it may sound I often feel the music physically more than hear it. It's usually pretty loud in a club. (I had a 1/2 hour dance in a club tonight and I can't tell you one of the ten or so songs that played.)

I like to be sitting down for a lapdance. It gives me a lap! I've actually tried lying down for bed-dances and didn't like them. Couches are ok, but not great because you can sink down in them. Maybe a firm loveseat. It needs to be wide enough that you can comfortably straddle him with your knees.

You might start with the "no-touch" plan. Have him put his hands to his side or behind him. Build the anticipation by delaying touch and you control the dance. The rule is that you can touch him all you want, but he can't touch you with his hands. You can let him touch eventually, but with respect.

The lapdance may start as a dance, or a strip tease for you to get out of whatever clothes you are going to take off. But you should establish contact fairly quickly. Lapdances that are "all air" aren't very satisying for the guy. Once you make contact, stay in contact. As you may move from place to place keep a hand on him. Spread his knees and work in between them either standing or kneeling.

Feature yourself. You're the star, believe it! Your guy loves all the parts of you, so show them to him. Rub them on him. Show him your front. Show him your backside. He's an assman, so keep that in mind and show it to him often. He wants to see it. Put it right in his face. Also, cradle his face into your breasts, but don't let him touch them! You control it.

The heart of the lapdance, and the key to establishing "headspace", is the lap straddle. Put your knees on both sides of him and straddle him. The real key to the "headspace" to me is the "almost-makeout" . I like nuzzling our cheeks together, and passing our lips by each other in an almost kiss. Part of the allure of the lapdance is simulating a makeout without actually doing it. Deny him the kiss, but get really really close to it. You can, of course, dry hump him. But you control it.

You can change positions, with slow transitions. Lay across his lap. Straddle across him on all 4's. Lean back on him with your back to him. Stand astride him, either facing him or away. Slowly, like a ballet, with lots of rubbing yourself against him as you change. (Not the frantic paced flashdance grinding like in "Showgirls". That's awful).

For the really hot lapdance you have to pay attention to the wood. He will get an erection. Let me repeat that: he will get an erection. Find ways to acknowledge it nonverbally. Find it with you hand and maintain contact as you change positions. Don't be afraid to hold it and acknowledge it. One hot move is to be on your knees between his legs and come up on his lap with your hair covering it and cover his erection through his pants with your mouth and blow hot air on it. Then eye contact. Awesome!

Mainly remember that the best lapdances are hardly dances at all but are slow cuddles with grinding and dry-humping. Crude, but true. For guys it's a very visual and physical thing. You are the star and you are in control. At least until it gets really passionate.....

P.S. After thinking about it, here's some more thougts on music. Other good dance songs:

Usher - "Yeah"
Chris Isaak - "Wicked Game"
Nelly - "Ride Wit Me"
Prince - "Cream"

Actually, most of Prince's stuff.