Peeping at the Peep Show

Regular reader Dave wrote me to ask:


I was wondering if you had any personal experience with peep shows and booths. I see these things advertised and have read up a bit on them in various places but I am still not quite clear on what goes on in these. There are a few adult bookstores in town that have them but I have never used one. Are these for lapdances? Is there any touching involved? Something I read mentioned that the guy is allowed to jerk off in front of the lady. Wouldn't this get one arrested?


The answer is: yes, I went to a Peep Show one time.

One of the Strip Clubs that I used to go to on occasion also had a few peep show booths. This particular club had the usual strip club area, plus an adult store with magazines and toys, plus video booths, plus the peep show. I'll just call it megasex. The peep show was first up, right inside where you pay to get in. 1 or 2 girls would be sitting there to tempt you into the booths. I always used to pass that right up and head into the strip club. I never did the video booths or the peep show until......

I started reading Diablo Cody's stories over at Pussy Ranch about working in a peep show. After that I had to try it at least once. So I found a way to megasex. I spent some time in the strip club to get myself into the mood in my regular environment. Then I went out in search of the peep show experience. I'd have to say it was a fairly odd experience. Here's how it went:

I walked out and introduced myself to the girl on the couch. Her name was Nadia. Pretty, but not stripper pretty. More regular girl pretty. Long brunette hair, slinky dress made to come off easily, dressy high heels.

Nadia was very friendly and was eager to introduce me to how this works. "What's involved", I asked. "Well, it's essentially mutual masturbation". Gulp! "Okay, let's try it".

Nadia played hostess to help me find a booth. "Let's see if this one on the end is ready. Uh oh, not quite." Nadia went in and got some paper towels and did some quick cleaning. "Okay, this one will do. You come on in here and I'll go around and meet you. Just pick up the phone and talk to me". So I go in with more than a little trepidation. What I found was a small little booth with a single black chair and a paper towel roll, a glass with a screen across it, and a phone. There was also a slot to stick money through.

I have to tell you I looked the chair over pretty good before I sat down in it. I was imagining the whole parade of guys who sat in it before me doing whatever I was about to do. Yuck. But I was fully clothed in business dress, so I took a seat.

"How much does this cost?", I asked into the phone. "I'm not allowed to suggest a price", Nadia answered. "You tip me whatever you feel is appropriate. Start with putting in money into the timer and then a tip into the slot". It was clear that the tips are how the peep show girl makes her money. Okay. How much time I wondered? I put in enough money for 10 minutes on the timer and slipped a $20 into the tip slot. The curtain came up.

Nadia was on the other side in a small cubicle of her own. It didn't take long for the pretty girl thru the glass to get down to business. Nadia was out of her dress in a shake and was talking dirty to me on the phone. "What do you like?", came the husky whisper. "I like what I see?" I fumbled in reply. The phone was a distraction to me. Visual was what I wanted and the holding the phone was proving awkward. I decided that I was paying for the show so I might as well be direct. "I'm an assman, Nadia, so show me that". With a little "all right" into the phone she twirled around and put on a little show for me. A shake and a spank. Visual and audio. Heavy breathing into the phone.

And then it was really show time. Nadia bounced up onto what looked like a doctor's examining table pointed at me. Feet up, legs spread, shaved cookie staring right at me two feet on the other side of the glass.

And then the curtain came down. Damn! Was that timer ticking too fast? Seemed like it. It's probably rigged. So I fumble for some more time on the timer and another $20 thru the slot. The curtain comes back up and Nadia is settling in.

Nadia starts in. Laying on the bench. Eyes closed. Phone cradled to her ear. One hand pinching a nipple, the other hand fiddling her clit. Heavy breathing into the phone for me - "Oh, Oh, fuck yeah".

Wait a minute, I think. Didn't she say mutual? No need to be shy. So I unzip my dockers and free my engorged girth. This is pretty hot and there's no problem having wood. I've got a sexy girl I just met playing with herself to beat the band right in front of me. All for me. We're stroking in synchronicity.

So I'm enjoying myself. I pull my chair right up to the glass. I'm thinking it would be pretty great to spray the glass with a fountain of my essence.

Nadia is really into her show. Now she's got 3 fingers totally plunging into her pussy and she's moaning into the phone. Before I know it there's a great orgasm, simulated or not I can't tell, going on in 3-dimensional living color. Wow! Impressive.

Now it's my turn. Get ready with the paper towels!

That's when I realized it. The elements are stacked against me. The awkward holding of the phone. The lightning fast ticking of the timer. And mostly the ever-present feeling that I was sitting in a germ tank that I didn't really want to contribute to. It's not going to happen.

Oh well. Back into my dockers. And I watched the enchanting Nadia until the curtain came back down. "That's it for me", I said into the phone. "I'll meet you outside."

I gave her a nice hug and thanked her for the experience and went out to my car unrequited. That's okay.

I'd say Nadia was great, but the booth experience was weird and freaky in a completely unclean kind of way and I don't need to repeat that experience.

To Nadia, my peep show girl, thank you baby for the nice show.

"Stripper Up" the Celebrities

Famous people I want a hot lapdance from:

The Obvious list: (in no particular order)

Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Elle McPherson
Jaime Pressly
Alyssa Milano
Brooke Burke
Pam Anderson
Cameron Diaz
Christina Aguillerra
Kate Beckinsale
Jessica Simpson
Nikki Zering
The Coors Twins
Brooke Burns
Shania Twain
Faith Hill
Halle Berry
Denise Richards
Sara Michelle Gellar
Madonna


The Less Obvious list:

Charisma Carpenter (Angel)
*Jamie Gertz (CBS - Still Standing)
*Kelly Preston
Vanessa Marcil
Faith Ford & Kelly Ripa together
Kylie Minogue
Avril Lavigne
Shakira
Howard Stern's girlfriend
Holly Marie Combs (Charmed)
Lucy Liu
Catherine Bell (JAG)
Gabrielle Union
Cameron and Jaime (Real World San Diego)
Maria Menunos (ET)
Kimberly Willams (Married to Jim)
Posh Spice
'Lil Kim
Ann Coulter

* These two have been on my hot list for more than 10 years.

And of course: Diablo Cody

McSista

So, I'm standing in line at McDonald's and she walks in. Black, beautiful, hot. Blindingly hot.

For most of my life I've never really considered black women sexually. (Okay, I did have a thing for Theresa Graves from "Get Christie Love" on TV in the seventies, but hey I was 14. Not much since then.) It's not a race thing, it's an experience thing. I'm your basic midwestern white guy who grew up in a mostly white town. 3000 students in my high school and not one black girl. Black women were just not on the dating menu from scarcity alone.

I have, of course, in my travels had several black strippers ask me "do you want a dance?". I've mostly declined. My mistake. I missed my chances to get to know them.

But that all changed with T, who as you all know I took back to my hotel room for a "private party". ("Multiple Screaming Orgasms, Jan 31). T opened my eyes. T. was alive sexually. She was sex. She was passionate. She was a screamer!

Now I see black women sexually in a big way. I'm not going to go overboard and generalize about all black women based on one experience with T. But I'm now very open to fantasizing about black women.

Like Beyonce in "Naughty Girl". This girl can shake her hips. I like to see her "stripper up".

Like the girl in the Usher video "Yeah". I imagine you've seen it. Usher, green laser beams, and the profoundly imaginative chorus "Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah". It also features Ludacris rapping "We want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed". There's a girl in the video who dances with Usher in the club. My God is she sexy. I can picture her being a freak in the bed. And I want to get freaky with her.

And like my fellow Mc luncher. She was gorgeous. I can't adequately describe how pretty she was. Deep black lovely skin. Black hair pulled back off her forehead. Belly bearing camo tank top with perky projecting tits. Tight stomach fitted into low rider jeans with just a hint of her shapely ass visible. She oozed sexuality and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.

I wanted her. Right there, right then. On the table next to the straw dispenser would do just fine. She would be my "happy meal". She was super-sizing my package. And yes, I want fries with that. (Okay, enough bad McDonald's jokes.)

My world has opened up. I'm an equal opportunity horndog.

She Feels Pretty

Oh, my Lovely Dancer. I missed her. And there she was. Lovely as always, but more. Hot. Very, very hot. Sexy. Damn sexy. Porn Star sexy. Feeling pretty. Dancing with confidence. Owning the stage. White hot and radiant. And she was with me.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as we talked. I took in her new look. Long full flowing hair, flawless makeup with riveting eyes, glamorous cocktail dress with a revealing cleavage, and sexy full see-through panties that say "perfect".

And we talked and reconnected. She's reached a major decision in her life and she was elated. And I was feeding off of her energy. We were in our own little capsule of interest. Nothing else mattered in the club.

"I'm monopolizing you're time. We need to dance so you can move on." Before or after her next stage set. After, we decide, so we don't have to rush. "Dance for them and get turned on and then dance for me in private" I suggest.

But that's for naught, because it's just us at the stage. I lay out several singles on the rail in appreciation as she dances just for me. And I appreciate her body up close. Dancer has a full, ample but toned figure and I'm lusting for her. She teases me with her full voluptuous backside in the peek-a-boo panties. More, I want more. So I do the "ride for five". I lay down through the gap in the stage and Dancer straddles me in a very public 69 position that lingers as she moves back up my body to retrieve the $5. Hot, very hot. And I'm aroused. Very aroused.

And we reconnect in our private dance. Slow and passionate. Lingering and carressing, my hands exploring every allowable inch of her. So delicious to the touch, her smooth tight skin. I lust for her and I am completely lost in her closeness. Embracing. Nuzzling. My lips at her neck. Our noses touching. Enveloped in her hair. The joy of her weight on my lap. Full on dry humping, with my aroused package married to her warmth, as I cradle her ass in my palm with one hand and caress her hair with the other. Small talk and smiles and laughs as she remembers my purring. My fingertips memorizing her delightful curves with the lightest of touches. Almost in slow motion. Very, very intimate and passionate.

"Give me a hug" she says as our time nears the end. And I sit up with her on my lap and I hug her. And the hug lingers and tightens through one full song as we pull ourselves into each other. We sway and we dance as we hug, completely reinventing the lapdance to be an acutal dance. Nice. Very nice. She seems to enjoy this deep enveloping bear hug as much as I do.

Thank you, my lovely dancer. I'm glad you feel as pretty as you are. I missed you.

A Vision in Black Vinyl

She came quietly to the stage, setting up quickly, and standing posed in the darkness until the lights came up. And the red stage lights revealed a vision in black vinyl. A black vinyl strapless mini-skirted dress. Matching choker and G-string. And shiny black platform heels. All set against beautiful pale white skin and fine blonde shoulder length hair. Wow. I’m speechless.

Dancer is the prototype petite stripper girl. She’s not a hard as nails plastic. She’s the definition of pretty. Young – barely eighteen I’m sure. Pretty angular face with a perky nose and minimal makeup. Beautiful slim shoulders. A perfect mouthful of small teacup tits. A perfect flat stomach with definition in her abs and hipbones. Delightful dimples in the small of her back framing a perfectly shaped petite ass. A shaved mons with full pouty pussy lips. Long lean legs ending in pretty manicured toes in her stripper shoes. Awesome from top to bottom.

I know it sounds strange. I’ve seen a hundred girls strip in clubs all over the country. But every now and then one girl will stop me in my tracks and totally captivate me. I experience a moment of awe and ask myself “Oh wow, am I really going to get to watch this completely incredible girl strip inches in front of me?” No way. “How is this possible?” Dancer is that girl. She is perfectly sculpted and she oozes sex.

And I watch her stage show in awe. She has all the moves. (How did she learn them all already?) Slowly stripping in the first song, working the pole, showing herself to me in the second song. Pausing in front of me, sitting back on her heels, knees opening up, running her finger thru her slightly wet pussy lips, all for me. There are 4 other guys at the tiprail – college guys, idiots, talking to each other and not paying attention. So I have her all to myself and she sees that I’m seeing her.

I watch her as she dances and I think "she looks so fragile. Would she stand up to a vigorous fucking? Slow and sensous, yes. But hot sweaty animal sex? I'd sure like to know."

And after her set she dresses quickly and heads right for me. “Would you like a dance?” It’s a mystery dance – 2 for 1. How can I say no to this beautiful young girl. Why would I want to? So off we go to one of the cave-like booths on the side wall of the club. And we have one of the sexiest, most satisfying, 2 song topless dances I’ve ever had.

Dancer stands over me as we wait for the song to start. Facing away from me with her delectable ass parked right in front of my face. Swaying side to side to the song in her head. She looks back at me – “Can you put your hands out to the side?” Absolutely. I know the drill. My senses are completely alive as I’m admiring this stunning and vibrant girl hovering over me.

‘Lil Kim starts us off with the very graphic “How many licks” and dancer drops to my lap facing away. Grinding, grinding that beautiful ass into my lap. I’m warming up already. And dancer is on the move. She has a routine and she moves through the paces. Standing with her G-string covered pussy inches from my nose teasing me. Sitting with that same G-string patch rubbing against my growing bulge with perfect contact. Slow circles in my lap, almost gripping my cock with her pussy through our clothes, if that's possible. Slamming back and forth into me. Sliding down my thigh until she makes contact with my knee and she rubs her pussy in slow circles against me. Wow. And I’m dancing back to the beat and the graphic lyrics (“lick my pussy”). Hot, very hot. And I’m complimenting her as we go. “Very nice”. And I am totally completely enjoying this interplay and the contact with this sexy sexy girl. I’m hard as a rock and she’s back in my lap, facing me, grinding her pussy against me. Standing, bent over with her pussy in my face, tapping her clit with her index finger. Teasing me. Pleasing me. For two very memorable sexy songs.

Thank you, baby. You were very special. And I’m a lucky man.

100 miles of Porn

Miles and miles of road passed under my tires. Another day, another state, another big city, another customer. And a long-ass road in between each of them.

Driving and driving with nothing to do but think. Wearing out the scan button on my radio as I drive out of range of each station. Classic rock, country, hip-hop, talk radio. Passing the hours. My horndog brain returning again and again to my memories of the lovely strippers waiting for me in the club. Remembering our dances together. Mentally undressing them as I burn up the left lane.

Scanning. AM. Nothing. FM. Nothing. I’m really out in the sticks. And then a new thought crosses my mind. Driving with one hand I open my briefcase with the other. Out comes my laptop - booting up as I drive. Ear buds in the earphone jack. And the important part – I pop a DVD in the drive. An adult DVD, that I just happen to have in my travel bag. (How did that get in there?) All girl – “The Best of Girls Night Out”.

I can’t see the screen because it’s off to my right and watching it as I drive would be unsafe and wrong! OK, that’s not the reason. There’s too much glare on the screen. But I’m not wanting to watch anyway. I want to listen. And oh if my fellow interstate travelers knew what I was hearing in my earbuds as I stared at the centerline.

Behind the relentless horrible porn music are the beautiful, passionate sounds of sexy girl’s voices. “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Suck my pussy”. Panting. Licking. Sucking. Audio porn. I’m driving, they’re fucking and licking. Breathless moaning and groaning. Dildos and fingers eliciting screaming orgasms. Twosomes, threesomes, orgies. My earphones have a hard-on.

And the highlight was the sexy sounds of porn startlett Inari Vachs vigorously fucking fellow startlet Chandler in the ass with a strap-on. Pounding her. Slapping her ass. Chandler wailing incoherently. Awesome! And indescribably audibly sexy.

100 miles of audio porn. Until my battery died.

Now I was really a horndog plus I needed a break. I found an exit in a city where I knew a club was. And just that quick I’m seated at a tiprail. No dances, just the stage show, just long enough for a break from the road, that’s the plan. And the plan works through several dancers. 3 blondes in a row and that feeling that I’m still driving starts to wear off. My plan is holding, even in the face of a statuesque blonde – covered in tattoos and diamond cuffs and choker and, yes there it is, a diamond clit piercing. One more dancer and I’m back on the road. That’s where the plan derailed.

The Foundational Theory of Strip Clubs

I was watching an old Jeff Foxworthy stand-up set on Comedy Central a few weeks ago. Here's the gist of one of his jokes.


"Women, because you are complex creatures, you make the mistake of believing that men are complex too. We're not. But I hear you talking together and saying things like ' I just wish I knew what he is thinking'."

"I'll tell you exactly what men are thinking. Here it is"

"I want a beer and I want to see something nekkid"

"That's it. From 13 to the grave that's all we're thinking."


I concur with Jeff. And I postulate that from this simple truism was born the Strip Club.

"Are You Going to Get Me Naked Tonight?"

It was a stressful week, that week. Projects, bosses, travel. Hotel rooms and airplanes and rental cars. Stress therapy, Strip Club style, was in order.

The club welcomed me in. Subdued lighting. Throbbing music. A passionate and sexy embrace from a beautiful young lady. And a cold beer.

Dancer and I found a table and we talked. Comfortable, familiar talk. I wondered how she'd been. I'm interested in her life. And I want to be close to her even if it's just talking. She's fascinating to me and I want to hear her stories.

We get unexpected company as a Friend, also a dancer, joins us at our table. Pickin's are slim tonight and she's lonely so she joins us. She's not much interested in me but she seems close to Dancer. It's awkward for a while as there are two simultaneous but separate conversations going on. It ends when it's Dancer's turn on stage.

I go the the tiprail and soak in two song's worth of personal stage attention from a lovely dancer. Slow and sensous. Focused at times on me. I put my dollar out on the rail and Dancer comes to me. She sits on the rail for some chat and then slowly, deliciously, cradles me into her breasts. Second song, $2 tip, more of the same but better. A bargain.

I find a table again. Off to the side tonight, more remote from the fellow travellers at their tables. And Dancer joins me again. I buy her a drink and we talk some more. Now it's Friend's turn on stage and I indulge my fantasy life and ask Dancer if she'll go tip Friend for me. "Sure" and off she goes. Dancer tips her sensously. Tactilely. Touching and kissing and caressing. Very sexy. Wow. I ask Dancer when she returns if there's something there. A spark yes, but unrequited. Some day maybe. (I'll go ahead and start imagining it now, thank you).

And as we talk we naturally get to Dancer's question: "So, are you going to get me naked tonight?"

Yes indeed. My therapy depends on it.

And we dance in private. Comfortable and slow. A slow grind against me to start my engine running. Settling on my lap. Captured in a palace of silky hair and soft, soft skin responsive to my touch. Beautiful, hot and passionate. And my hands play against her beautiful taut skin. Trailing down her back from her neck to her shapely full derriere. Fitted in my palms. Delicious. Cheek to cheek nuzzling her neck. Lost in our boundaried passion.

Thank you, baby. I'm refreshed by our naked therapy.