Transaction between Two Troubled Souls

There was an interesting post on Brighton's excellent blog ("A Day in the Night of a Stripper", link on my sidebar, or click here to see Kristin's post) this week - guest written by Brighton's friend Kristin. The post was about the emotional toll that stripping takes on a dancer.

Kristin's post was directed at us male customers. Not vindictively, just pleadingly. She wanted us to know that stripping wasn't a glamorous life and if they thought the dancer was having fun, they were mistaken. She had some interesting and insightful comments, which I'll excerpt in part here.

For example, Kristin's thoughts on drugging up to go on stage:

"What you don’t know is that a lot of strippers have to get HIGH before getting up on stage. Yeah, HIGH AS A KITE so they can mask the pain, shame and stigma stripping imparts. I’m pretty sure Brighton can back me up on this. The women might look like they are having fun up there but they aren’t. They aren’t sluts looking for a good time. A lot of them feel like whores and it’s just one step up for being a hooker. Most are stripping to pay for diapers, formula and let’s not forget the overdue electric bill. They aren’t there because they want to be famous or enjoy showing off their bodies to strangers. It’s about money, plain and simple. You are a means to an end and some women don’t have any other way to make good money and keep the bills paid. Don’t forget, having a drug habit costs money too. How sad to have to get high so you can have strange men fondle your body so you can pay the cable bill and pay for your drug habit. It disgusts me. It saddens me. It’s a vicious cycle. Those are the women in the upscale clubs. The women in the seedy clubs already come in with a habit and strip to make money to maintain that habit."

And her interview with a friend who had stripped to confirm that:

"K: Is substance abuse pervasive in the industry?
B: Yep. There are some nights that I had wished to God I was stoned.
K: Because of how you were treated?
B: Partly and partly because I was so disgusted with myself. I knew what I needed to do to get through school. A private university education don’t come cheap, let me tell you. Not to mention several year of grad school. I had a future. Most of those girls were dead end. No life, bad choices, shitty men in their lives, little or no family. *she trailed off and looked away*
K: I’m so sorry.
B: It’s ok, I made the choice to strip.
K: What choice? Quit school and get a half assed job to support yourself and never realize your dreams because of a horrible twist of fate? That’s not a choice in my book. You did what you had to do. I don’t condemn you for that."

Finally, her friend's thoughts on paying her way through college by stripping:

"K: Was it worth it? *I asked as we returned to her office*
B: Stripping? *she looked around her office* Yeah, it was. It made my dream come true. I was one of the lucky ones."

All interesting, no doubt.

Being that I am a regular strip club patron, and thus one of the guys that Kristin is talking to, let me add my observations.

1. I have obviously seen the toll that stripping can take on a dancer. In person, in the flesh. I say "can", because I think she's painting with too broad a brush and there are girls with their head on straight out there like Brighton. Most of the dancers that I've written about here on DanceFan fit that category. But there are those it takes a toll on clearly. I remember specific conversations at tables with girls who told me that they just can't take the soul-killing nature of their job anymore. And if that's spilling over to me, as a customer, then it's serious and real.

2. I know that the majority of dance encounters that they have can be negative experiences. A lot of guys in the club are either outright jerks or are abusive. Dancers have to fend off inappropriate behavior a lot. I know that. I try to be the customer that they can feel safe with and look forward to seeing come in. But I know from comments that these lovely young girls have to deal with a lot that they shouldn't have to in order to do their job. It's a tough job.

3. I know that girls get drawn into fortifying themselves with various forms of chemical bravery to get through the night. I've seen my share of tipsy and high girls. And they didn't start that way on the first night they walked into the club. It's part of the club life that they adopt.

All in all, it's not ideal.

However, here's what I also think:

- I may be wrong, but it seems to me that some of the girls, some of the time, are having fun.

- It is a job. Kristin bemoans, understandably, the fact the some girls have no other options to pay the bills or get an education to get a good job.

So, my observation is that it's important to not overlook the fact that it is an option. What's the alternative? That they have no option at all? Isn't it, in some sense, a good thing that men willing to pay for this experience provide an entire industry that provides women an option?

And guess what? People make choices all the times to do jobs that don't fulfill them or that are a hardship on them. I'm a businessman that travels every week away from my family. Do you think that doesn't take a toll? Do you think that the guy who's operating a machine in a factory every day is having a lot of fun or doesn't want to drink his way through the day. It's a fact of life. You find the best job that you have options to get and you make do with the toll it takes on you. That's life.

- It takes a toll, but not just on the dancer. Many lapdances, if not most and my own included, are in my opinion a transaction between two troubled souls, not just one.

Interesting post, Kristin. Food for thought. You hopefully started a good dialogue on the topic. Thanks for writing it.

Anyone else have thoughts on this?