Last Dance

Well, my blogger family, regrettably - and for the second time in the life of this blog - I have decided to pull the plug. This post (my 223rd) will in all likelihood be the last post for DanceFan.

Two years. Two fulfilling years of storytelling, beginning on Nov 5th, 2003 based on inspiration from discovering the world of naughty blogging. Two years of spinning out all of my memories of twenty plus years of frequenting strip clubs across America. My observations on the club scene. My tributes to the lovely dancers.

Will I really go? You would be right to wonder, given that I did the same disappearing act about this time last year. I did it in drastic fashion then by deleting the entire original blog called Strip Club Memories. Fortunately, I saved a copy of all the posts and reconstituted it two months later as DanceFan when I missed it too much and still had stories to tell. Not this time. I will be gone.

Why am I leaving?

The short answer is because I have no more stories to tell and I will not be generating any new ones.

The longer answer in a moment. But first, a couple of thoughts:

First, it was deeply satisfying to get to tell my stories. All of them true. All of them meangingful to me. All of them revealing me. The writing itself being a welcome mind-healing release. A creative outlet that I needed to express the deepest, most compartmentalized, part of me.

Second, I didn't write my tales for anyone but me. To remember.

But, and this is a big but, I deeply appreciate all of you who have been out there for whatever period of time reading. The blog family is truly awesome and talented. I appreciate all of you who enjoyed or hated this little text blog. Thank you to everyone who took the time to write to me in comments or emails. Really. Thank you.

I made a handful of deep and meaningful virtual friendships by virtue of this blog that I would never have known otherwise, and that in itself is amazing.

Thank you to Don and Mic and my other constant buddies out there who could relate to my experiences.

Thank you to Passion and Spirit and Sassy Girl and Danielle and all of the other lovely and talented Dancers. Wow! You are incredible people.

Thank you to the bloggers who are on my links and who stop in from time to time. You are all interesting, immensely talented, and expressive. I learned from you every week.

Thank you to my beautiful companion, an elegant and intelligent young lady who is more terrific than she knows. I really enjoyed meeting you and being in your company. Thank you for taking risks.

Thank you to my alt-mod-hippie-chick from the Bay area, who always makes my laugh and think. I'll see you elsewhere in the blogosphere.

And thank you most of all to my other California girl, K, who means the world to me and is in my thoughts.

So, why am I leaving?

The uncomplicated answer is that there are big changes in my life. Principally, a massive career change that will mean limited or no travel - resulting in limited or no opportunities to visit clubs.

The more complicated and serious reason is to honor my wife. My wife of almost a quarter century and my partner. My wife who recently confronted me with a question and a demand.

The question: "Are you visiting strip clubs on the road?". My answer, a direct yes.

The demand: No more strip clubs. None. Zero tolerance. So, that's that.

I am really envious of the couples blogs, and of the experiences that you share together. I don't have that situation. I've painted little pieces of that story in my posts over the last two years. Simply said, my wife and I are substantially different people than we were when we fell in love back in the late 70's. How could we know then what we would be like almost three decades later? We didn't then, we do now. We're different. Not her fault. Not my fault. Just different.

It's been stressful. It's been lonely. But we're still together.

The bottom line is that she has drawn a line and I'm going to honor it. I'm going to honor my vows as best as I can and walk the straight and narrow. I'll pour the creative energy that drove my club activities, and thi0s blog, into my marriage and my family and work and - believe it or not - church. And I'll be fine. Probably better. But sublimating a piece of me.

So, carry on bloggers. I'll lurk and enjoy your amazing, fun, and sexy work and live vicariously through you.

Hey, it was fun and I don't regret it.

I'm out.

P.S. - I'm not going to delete the blog. I promise. You can still read all of my memories if you're just now stopping in. And keep surfing the links. Especially all of the fascinating women represented there (sorry guys) like Piper and Veronica Vinegar and Violet Blue and Diablo Cody and Stefanie and Wilma and Leela and many more.